Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hokcom Status Explained

Let me make this short. I am in LA right now and staying at a downtown botique hotet. On Monday after a long day of meeting we (my business associates and I) decided to wind down the day at the hotel bar.

This is what happends in the next 5 minutes

Uber sitting at the bar sipping his Vodka and Tonic, 2 girls walk up and sit right next to him.

Girl 1: Hi you look new, my name is Nicki

Hokcom Level 1 - Hooker Readiness status: Now I think I am an OK looking guy, but am no Brad Pitt. So any girl that walks up to me at a bar

Uber - Hi my name is Uber

Nicki: This is my friend Alice

Uber: Hello nice to meet you too.

Hokcom Level 2 - Introduces me to her beautiful friend

Uber: Where are you girls from?

Alice: Right from here, Los Angels

Hokcom Level 3 - Local girls coming to a hotel bar

Alice: So have any plans tonight

Hokcom Level 4 and 5 - This is so self explanatory

PS: We did confirm they we in fact women of the night and they were looking for customers.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

You call this CHANGE

I am supporter of Obama, I am a legal immigrant and I am colored. There I got that out of the way.

Can someone please explain to me what the hell was he thinking getting together this so called "Dream Team"?

Robert Gates: If we wanted continuity we would have voted for Dick Cheney.
James L. Jones Jr.: So some one who was McCain advisor and friend is now our National Security Advisor. Want to keep your enemies closer who did you not ask John McCain himself to be on the team
Hillary Rodham Clinton: I bet she must be thinking why she told us she used to take calls at 3 AM? Guess whom I am calling when I have nothing to do at 3 AM. The only person happy is Bill since now he has all the time to goof around.

This is not the "Change" I envisioned.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Education Standards

I have nothing about the state of Texas or the people who live in Texas. My company is HQ in Texas and some of my closest friends live there. I have actually found that most people in Texas are warm and friendly though they do manage to somehow be strongly Republican (not that there is anything wrong with it).

I had a chance this Saturday to go and watch a football game UT (University of Texas) vs Arkansas which took place at Austin Texas. As we were driving there my friend and associate was mentioning to me that UT is standard for academics is quite high. So with such a background the following was a conversation that I overhead which was quite startling:

Lady (sitting in front of me): Excuse me sir, can I get 2 bottles of water.
Water Boy: Sure
Lade: How much?
Water Boy: Well it is $3.50 per bottle?
Lady: Here is $7.00
Water Boy: Well let me see it is $3.50 per bottle, you want 2 bottles so the total would be hmmm...$3.50 per bottle.
Lady - Stumped for word look back at me for help

I lean over to my friend and ask "High Standards eh?"

PS: His daughter at that moment decided that her first school of choice is now Texas A&M and not UT.

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Blanery Stone Crawl Part II

Stop 3: Blarney Stone on 8th Avenue

Number of people at start: 7

Nothing much happened here, expect Ms. D heard a sexual joke from an 80 year old women. This bar was a dive and I found new fondness in playing video arcade game again

Number of people at end : 9

One more comrades bid us adieu after this. But we did pick up one random guy and an 80 year old woman stalked us to the next bar

Stop 4: Blanery Stone Fashion/Garment District

Number of people at the Start: 8

This was by far the most upscale Blanery we encountered. What threw me off was the Latin Mambo Kings type music streaming violently through the speakers. But then I am not surprised.

9:20 PM: I watch in amazement as a fat man with absolutely no rhythm salsa all alone at the end of the bar. Bravo! Bravo!! I give me credit for movement

9:40 PM: Ms. D is going to be late for some B'Day party that I was not invited too.

Number of people at end : 7

Another person who joined us at the Stop 3 decides to leave. So much for him bar crawling. And we lost 2 more on the way. They are falling like flies.

Stop 5: Blarney Rock Restaurant at MSG

Number of people at start: 5

We enter this 2nd last stop at 10 PM. I quickly discover cupcake's evil twin behind me. On closer examination (read sobering up examination) I find the only resemblance is her blouse and haircut. I duly mumble something resembling an apology.

Ms. D finally decides to go the birthday party that I was not invited.

The bartender tells us about the closure of out next stop. So we have only one bar to go to. Woo hoo!!!

Number of people at the end: 4

Here is where decide to cab it to the East Side. At the last minute Mountain Bunny decides to join us and skip the drama of him needing beauty sleep or something like that.

Stop 6: Blarney Cove



Number of people at the start: 4

This was not a cove, it was a cave. Calling this dive is being polite to this establishment. Add a lounge and this becomes the famous narrow Katra Lounge that I hate.

11:03 PM: Cupcake discovers Funyuns. We attack it with gusto. And yes we all decided to share 2 drinks, though JP decided she is still going to have some hard stuff.

11:04 PM: Mountain Bunny drops phone behind the bar. Start of his clumsiness streak.
11:10 PM: Cupcake discovers lingerie in the bar and decides this is best time to put it on. And I immediately pull out my camera.
11:12 PM: I wonder why they are showing the Mets games on TV.
11:20 PM: Cupcake and I decide that is time to karaoke. We do a sing along to Barry Manilow

Number of people at the end: 4

So 4 of us got starts for going to all Blarney Bars. We're know exhausted and hungry. JP decides that Odessa Polish Diner would be a perfect way. Of at 11:40 we reach Odessa Bar and Diner. Perfect more drinking. The bar was crowded so we decided to skip drinking and head to the diner.

11:42 PM: Girls outside the diner (they were drunk or they wouldn't come up and talk to me) yell at me, "Come to the bar, it is more fun". I reply back "We need to eat and there is no place to sit down there". Girls, "Kill someone" to which I reply back, "With my skin color I do not think that would be a good idea."
11:45 PM: Cupcake orders every dish in the menu.
11:47 PM: Mountain Bunny tells us that he going to blog my blog about the Pub crawl. JP gives him a blank stare
12:01 AM: The best conversation so far
Mountain Bunny "Sorority girls do not date me even when all drunk.
JP "Maybe you should re-evaluate your opinion on Sorority girls.I was in a Sorority and so is Cupcake."
Uber "I am from India so I could care less. And even non sorority girls refuse to date me"
Mountain Bunny "I was just generalizing. It is like everything thinks I am a mobster because I am Indian"
JP "You wish we though you were a mobster"

Game, set and match JP.

Oops, I forgot add Mountain Bunny spilled coffee on the table and pierogies on his pants. He was so out of form that day.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The Blanery Stone Crawl Part I

As a little boy or girl we all harbor secret fantasies

a. Get bitten by a spider and develop cool powers.
b. Be the most famous sports person in the history.
c. Buy a cape and tailor dummy.
d. Visit ever Blarney Stone Bar in the island of Manhattan.

OK point c and point d we not some of the usual dreams you may have encountered. But a friend of mine "JP" had this dream of visiting every Blanery Stone Bar in the city.

This is what happened

Stop 1: Blarney Stone Restaurant (near Ground Zero)

Number of people at the start: 8

6:02 PM JP and Cupcake come in late. OK we cannot start the damn bar crawl late. Apparently JP was too sexy and needed a change of wardrobe. Uber was made at the change of wardrobe.
6:05 PM Cupcake spills beer on Uber. Apparently it is Uber fault since he moves silently.
6:14 PM We all got little stars for being there
6:30 PM Ms.D Decides to talk about some puke story to entertain us
6:35 PM I was smooth talking a fellow bar drinker in order to get a free t-shirt. After 5 minutes he informs me that he is not the owner.
7:00 PM We leave. I wonder if we are going to be in every bar for 1 hour. Then I remember I have a birthday party the next day. Panic sets in. Where is my brown bag.

Number of people at the end: 8

Stop 2: Blarney Stone Restaurant (Fulton Street)

To the next restaurant was a long walk. I made a mental note to switch to hard liquor to get a better buzz to endure all this walking.

Number of people at the start: 8

7:12 PM We walked passed what looked like a deli counter into the bar. If Shaft went to an Irish Bar this would be the place.
7:15 PM Cupcake runs into the ladies room.
7:16 PM JP runs to the ladies room. Apparently it is an epidemic.
7:20 PM I get my Vodka and Tonic. Sweet intoxication.
7:21 PM We all eye the bad buffet and make a bee line towards it.
7:25 PM The bartender stops by our table and I am waiting to hear the words "This food is not for you". But he assures us that the food is free. I wonder if people would pay for this, but on then I see people pay for the bad airline food.
7:26 PM Ms.D is pleased that the toilet paper in the women's stall doesn't crumble. Apparently the toilet paper in South America crumbles.
7:30 PM Ms.D challenges her coworker to moonwalk. He refuses, first he is white and that bet is not fair. She refused to challenge me since she knows that I might do it.
7:40 PM Finish my one drink in record time. And yes JP picks up this balloon animal of the street and we have it accompany us like a mascot.

Number of people at the start: 7

The girls go round the corner and disappear into CVS. Thank god we decided to take the train to the next stop. As we all swipe our way through the turnstiles we hear a scream. I thought for certain one of the girls just fainted. Instead I see Mountain Bunny (He wants to be called Mountain Cat)on top of the turnstile pointing his hand at this ferocious creature called the rat. That scream would have made any girl proud. He claimed that the rat was the size of an elephant. But since I did not see the rat I can neither conform nor deny on the size or if there was a rat.

Too..be continued

Monday, May 19, 2008

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Indus Tuesday

First there was darkness and then came light
Then came humans and then came hip humans who turned off the lights.

Indus Tuesday tag line is the rather ambitions Meet, Mingle and Network. Now with such a tagline you would assume they would pick a place that statisfies their ethos. But then again maybe I am a bit naive.

Meet - The place they choose to host this event was called Home NYC. If I was Batman or a cave dweller I would be at home. But being a normal homo sapiens this place was not a place to meet.

Mingle - How does one mingle in the dark and loud place. Someone please advise me? Really, am looking for anything that would help me. It is like asking people to mingle on the top of Everest. Just because the place is cool and hip doesn't make it a mingle happy place.

Network - The only networking happened near the food table and bar mainly by accident rather than intelligent design.

So to all you social organisers out there think about this for a moment. How about a nice bar to network, which facilitates conversation. This is NYC and if you tell me there is not good bars to host networking events then either your are not trying hard enough or just too lazy.

Will I go again? Probably with friends but I may actually just stay home. All I would need to do is go to the basement/cellar of my house, turn off the lights, crank up the music and guess what I might have more fun that I did on Indus Tuesday.

PS - Indus was the name of one of the earliest human civilization and if they had the changes to see someone like this group took their name, they would actually sue us for fraud and misrepresentation.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Blind Date

Last night, my good friend Cupcake was telling me how she knew this girl how was set up on a blind date by her "then" close friend. The date went OK. Now you are wondering what a waste of post. Wait there is more to come which will make all you so called dates from hell seem tame.

Ater the date they took a lisuerally stroll when the friend asked her date where he actually lived. He told her he currently lived in the corner of X Street and Y Avenue. They walked to the corner and as she was wondering which building he lived in, he proceeded to take here round the corner and pointed to a box and said "This is where I live". She was set up with a homeless man. I would have loved to see the expression on her face.

I am unable to fathom which friend would such a thing. And not before you ask, it was not April 1 or some kind of practical joke.

Monday, April 14, 2008

I scream for iPhone

I recently lost my Palm Treo PDA phone. The problem was all my contacts are in MS Outlook and therefore I just sync my phone and have everything I need at my finger tips. Loosing the phone created a tremendous stress in terms of not having contacts on my phone. The other stress was dealing with AT&T in terms of getting a new phone.

The main difference between store personnel in AT&T and Apple is the way they approach customer service.

AT&T Store Personnel

After waiting for 10 minutes, they approach me and ask me if I am being helped. When I say no, they looked at me strangely with the thought "You need help you should ask us". When I did ask them their response was "Cannot do it. Sorry"

Apple Store Personnel

"Do you want some help". I said not and was just browsing the iPhone. The lady then came back and explained to me in detail all the features. She then told me if I wanted she could also show me the demo online.

Thank God someone understands Customer Service.

And yes I love my iPhone.

Now I am sure the rest of the Blackberry's, Nokia, Palm will understand phone can be made fun and functional at the same time. The others that are coming with Apple type touch screen, what were you doing all these years giving us those lousy phones.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

How to attract Females

This weekend I had the opportunity to catch up a diverse group of friends for lunch at Saravanaa Bhavan in New York City. Since it was a nice day we proceeded to the Boat House at Central Park to laze over alcohol. The conversation somehow drifted to dating and how to make a single guy more attractive, or in lay man's terms become a chick magnet.

This is list we came up with:

a. A child - preferably not yours. This shows paternal instinct. Make sure the kid calls you "Uncle" and not "Papa"
b. A dog - same reason as A but shows you can take care of a living being full time not part time. Guys avoid poodle type animals.
c. Mac Air - The artist/non mainstream career comes out with mac
d. iPhone - You like the finer things in life and this along with the Mac Air book shows you are not a bum
e. Books in your open bag - Should be of intellectual variety. Maxim/Playboy are magazines and not books and they show signs of desperation. No paper backs otherwise all points c and d come undone rapidly.
f. Shades - Not the RayBan (If you do not own a plane you should not be allowed to wear those) and not the $5 pair you bought at 7-11. Get yourself a decent shade that shows your eyes but yet protects you from sun. If you are indoors casual have then on the table or hanging from your shirts. Never put them on top/behind your head/or dangling from a cord.

Pulling this off take a bit of planning.

Accessories:

Bag: Now take all these in smart messenger type bag which looks a bit of a worn and beat up look (need to show you are well travelled). Briefcases are for the wall street types and Backpacks are for adolescents.

Watch: Nothing made of gold or too much blink blink. Used car salesman look is not a great way to attract girls.

Clothes: Make sure to wear a something that is trendy and casual. There is fine line between that and being dressed for church. No cuff links !!! Shirt should be sightly crumbled and not tucked. Loafers are the best.

Place:

Brunch Places
Coffee Shops

If you find yourself in the suburbs it is then OK to go Starbucks. But if you are in a city and you go to Starbuck all I can do is shrug my shoulders.

Now I am not saying this will work or I have tried it. OK have tried it and it failed miserably. But go ahead give it a shot. What have you to loose other than $5000 at the minimum.

PS: I do not own a Mac book or an iPhone. I use a backpack. I have an iPOD. I tend to wear loafers/jeans/jacket when I got out.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Statue of Liberty

This story takes place around 4 years back. At that time your's truly was employed by THE MAN (or WOMEN) and therefore had the opportunity to partake in such office gatherings like birthday parties (Yuck !!!), lunches (Sign !!!) and the obligatory going away drinking sessions (Yipee !!!).

As with any corporation we had our share of newbies that migrated from small town to the Big Apple with only hope in the heart and dreams in their head. I took it upon myself to shatter such hopes and dreams and reminded them that they were but cubicle slaves and that their opinion mattered to no one.

Such a girl landed in our company and managed to get to get an apartment in the city, which I am sure she was sharing with 10 other girls. Every day we had to hear how she woke up to the view of the Statue of Liberty and how that alone made it worthwhile for her to commute all the way to Connecticut She also manged to entrall or bore us about new restaurants or night club that she went to, somehow she was always on the VIP guest list.

During I such inspirational speech, I interjected her and told her she is lucky enough in one year to see the full Statue of Liberty. Of course the group was confused with the comment.

I then proceeded to tell her that the following story which is a hidden gem and secret only to the New Yorkers.. The story is as follows:

When the Statue arrived on the shores of USA from France that there was a fight to which side the statue to face. The New Yorkers of course wanted it to face them while the rest of the country wanted the butt to face New York. Glover Cleveland, the US President at that time, came with a decision to put the Statue on a rotating base and it would rotate at the rate of 1 degree per day. The idea was that at the end of year both sides would get the front and back view of Lady Liberty.

She was a smart cookie, she challenged me saying that there are 365/366 days in a year and only 360 degrees in a circle. My response was, "Good question, the statue doesn't rotate during New Year, President's Day, Fourth of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Also during leap year the statue doesn't rotate during February 29th".

With the new found knowledge, she decided it is time to enlighten her fried who are born and bred New Yorkers about this story.

The following Monday she came charging into my office and told me, "You know you are as ass h---! I told that story at a party this weekend and was nearly laughed out of New York"

I listened to her outburst with a smirk on my face and nearly unfolded the "Mission Accomplished" banner in my office.

She was smart, came from the right school (read Ivy League) but not very good in history or research.

From that day on she never ever gave us updates to her daily life as a New Yorker. Some of us missed it, but to the rest she was another naive child you got a rude awakening to the corporate world

Monday, March 17, 2008

How (Not) to make friends in Texas

Disclaimer:

This is an article for those who are liberal (I hate that term) or better still open minded and understand that human beings change and we cannot live by laws crafted in 1 AD and written on a parchment paper.

If you are from Texas and only vote for a Republican, have Sean Hannity on your speed dial and your screen saver is an image of Ronald Regan please discontinue reading this article.

My business provides me the unique opportunity to come and live in heart of Texas, specifically Temple, TX for around 2 weeks in a month. This had given me a unique opportunity to observe "conservatives" in their natural habitat.

Now and then, as much as I try to keep silent, I find myself getting into situations where I fear for my life. This arises from my need to share my profound views, even when not asked and also during inappropriate time. I do not believe in "Silence is Golden" policy.

So here are some of things that will ensure you not invited to "Bubba's Annual Hunt for Food Festival"

a. Essay on "Religion - Man biggest mistakes".
b. Expose on "President Bush - The worst leader of the free world".
c. Photo essay on "Gays/Lesbian - A call for equality".
d. 10 points to illustrate that being liberal is not the same as being unpatriotic.
e. Presentation on "Why America needs a Women/Minority President"

Such topics will immediately ensure that you get banished from the neighborhood and your children will never be able to partake in such rituals as Trunk N Treat.

But then again this may be useful if you want to get rid of an annoying relative/girlfriend who is from the Bible Belt of USA.

Then again what do I know and whom am I to judge.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Stuff Brown (Indian/Desi) People like to do in USA

I am in all honesty devoid of a single Idea on what to blog. My good and extremely beautiful friend Zen already posted about stuff white people like blog.

That gave me an idea on doing a parody stuff brown people like to do while in USA, but then again I am too lazy to do it. If I did right about it this is the list I would have come up with and it is no particular order:

1. Addicted to cell phone especially the PDA variety
2. Online dating
3. Creating or joining social network
4. Having token white friends to show off
5. Dating white guys/girls
6. Buying Toyota/Honda cars
7. Buy BMW/Mercedes as the next car
8. Enjoying pseudo intellect conversation about Indian philosophy
9. Cricket
10. Throwing or going to Bollywood parties
11. Taking photos

I am open to anyone adding to the list or writing about this?

Monday, February 25, 2008

Oscars

Against my better judgement (OK I was in seriously liquored up on Saturday) I decided to host an Oscar Party last nite at my home in Jersey City. Invited my Motley Crew of friends (who I have come to love and am glad to have come to know them).

The highlight of the evening was the following comments:

X (a recent American citizen from South America):
Commenting on the awards given separately to sound editing and sound mixing, "If they had hired a Mexican they could have done both and saved an extra award."

Matt (a librarian with a firm grasp of the obvious):
When the same movie won the the award for sound mixing after winning earlier for sound editing, Matt felt that this is obvious since how can a movie win Oscar for sound editing and not sound mixing.

And how in the world did,

a. 300 not get any nominations. This is madness
b. The Simpson not get any nomination either. The spider pig song was better any any of the lousy Enchanted song...

PS: I am just glad that no own was carrying little Oscar statuettes and bringing them to the party. My new neighbors had a party and I caught a couple bring with them the statuettes. Guess it is like wearing your team colors to watch a game.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Frequent Flyersexual

Top 10 reasons you (or a friend you know) are a frequent flyer:



10. You have Frequeflyer.com or Webflyer.com bookmarked under your favorites.
9. You have a widget like Miles Manager that consolidates your entire miles program and you check them every day.
8. You have a favorite airport and know the layout of the airport like the back of your hand. You can articulate easily why this is your favorite airport.
7. You will rather connect to gain miles than flying direct to your destination.
6. You have dated someone you met on the plane but brokeup since s/he does not have us the same frequent flyer program as you do.
5. You have shopped at least once using sky mall. (admit it you thought about buying Basho The Sumo Wrestler coffee table)
4. You display the frequent flyer tags proudly on your luggage.
3. The flight attendant knows you by name and knows your favorite drink.
2. You know the pricing model of airline tickets.
1. And the number 1 reason you know you are a frequent flyer...is that you can in under a minute remove your shoes, belt, watch, laptop, key etc. and load them into the tray for security check.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Valentine's Day

I am romantic by nature. I love the idea of romance be it the courting, the maintaining and ultimately the obligatory "happily every after". Some may be call be naive, others might be shocked with this revelation. But I truely believe there is a special person for each one of us.

So why is it I hate Valentine's day. The reasons is simple: If you love someone s/he will know it everyday. You do not need a special day to send her flowers/candy etc. Oh yes and my pet peeve the unrelenting promotion to buy something on Valentine Day or as the omnious voiceover charectoer would say "Rot in HELL". Like buying a freaking toothpaste or a drill bit coveys my feeling of love.

And then you have strangers looking at you like you have committed a crime by not celebrating valentine's day. They treat criminals with more compassion.

So to all you gals out there give me one solid reason that Valentine's day is important? And yes I would have asked the guys for their opinion but then the only reason most of them "celebrate" valentine's day is that they are scared of retribution. I may be generalizing this statement but then most of my "guy" friends have told me that.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Reasons Alcohol should be served at Work

I got this key chain as a gift (goes back to my point that cash as a gift is the best option). The only salvaging point about this gift is that it had the following reasons about why alcohol should be served at work:

10. Incentive to show up
9. Leads to more honest communication
8. Reduces stress
7. Employees work later because there is no need to rush to the bar
6. Encourages carpooling
5. Salary negotiations are more profitable
4. It makes other workers more attractive
3. Eliminates vacation because employees want to come to work
2. Burping doesn't seem inappropriate just funny
(Drum roll please...)
1. Increases overall job satisfaction because now if your job, sucks you don't care

Friday, January 25, 2008

Have Fork Will Travel - White Wings

Background

I am a foodie, is simple words that I love to try out new/unique foods at the very least once. I have a philosophy that everything needs to tried once and if you like it go crazy and do it again. Food had always been a passion for me and having worked in the food industry developing products both in USA and Asia made the passion more embedded into my life.

Food: White Wings
Where: Temple, Texas
Innovative Rating: 4 stars
Repeat: Maybe



I have never heard of "white wings". So I jumped heart first when someone suggested we go and get some white wings. The disclaimer being leave your heart at the door.

The place we went to was Las Casas Restaurante and their tag line was "Famous White Wings" Originator!!

White Wings is basically a strip of chicken with a piece of jalapeno pepper in the center. The chicken is then wrapped with strips of bacon to form a ball (similar to the rubber band ball you may have done in the office during the long boring meeting but then I digress again). The ball is then pan fried with a generous amount of grease, again I have no idea about the quanity or quality of grease, that will ensure your heart get all the ingredients for a heart attack. In order to ensure that the heart attack is major (what is the point of doing anything minor, this is USA we do things big philosophy) the dish comes with a side of potato covered with sour cream/ or a generous helping of red/black beans and rice.

Overall I could only have half of the dish before I hear some sputtering sounds from the recess of my heart. But it was an experience that I am tempted to repeat

Monday, January 21, 2008

Playing in the Democratic Sandbox

It is no secret that I travel a lot. I am not sure if I like it or hate it, thought I am know for my closet love to get airline miles.

As I am busy sitting at the Holiday Inn (hoping it makes me smarter) working on building my empire while chatting, facebooking and surfing, I also managed to catch the Democratic Debate on CNN. For those who missed it (or those scratching their heads and wondering should I switch back to American Gladiators on NBC) here was my synopsis

Hillary: Obama pulled my hair.
Obama: She started it.
Hillary: He pulled it because I am a woman.
Obama: You a woman! Now you tell me!
Edwards: Hello, can someone pull my hair please.
Hillary: Stop throwing sand on me.
Obama: What sand? You worked at Wal Mart and moved all the sand throwing offshore
Edwards: I wonder if I stopped breathing and turn blue will they notice me.
Obama: I am black vote for me.
Hillary: I am a woman and my husband thinks he is black, vote for me.
Edwards: I wonder who will be American Idol this year? Vote for me because I am blue.

I cannot vote since I am just a Permanent Resident Alien in USA (to some a Green Card Holder). But watching adults fight in a sandbox makes me wonder if this a true democracy where there are only 2 parties and 2 candidates to choose from?

By the way Holiday Inn doesn't make you smarter. You may have figured this out by reading this segment of the blog.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Men in Shorts

What I learnt this week is that my good friend and fellow blogger does not seem to be attracted to men in shorts. They reasons given were:

"If you are in shorts, you are not a man"
"I cannot be bothered to be talking to a man who dresses like a 5 year old boy"

The only exception, apparently is when men play sports.

So that got me thinking...why do men wear shorts?

Reason #1: It is hot out there....
Reason #2: We go to the gym and work out our lower body. In that case we need to show them off or else what is the point.
Reason #3: We cannot wear skirts. (Some do but that is whole another war, that I am not fighting)
Reason #4: Laundry becomes less of a hassle
Reason #5: If is half as expensive (I know this is a lame reason but 4 reasons sounded awkward)

I swear to henceforth wear shorts to all social events during the summer. I ask other male to follow suit. In the words of Bart Simpson...I will let the picture speak for itself...

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

How to eat a falafel

Last week went to Sam's Falafel (located on Thompson Street, NYC), what made this special was the sign which showed us the right way to eat falafel. But the best comment was made by Zen who observed, "If your remove the word falafel, the directions take a whole new meaning."



And a special shout out to Sam, who gave us on the house the best tea I have had in a long time...

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Etiquette in Clothing

I am not a fashion police but there are certain things about how people dress that gets me annoyed. Clothes reflect who you are on the inside. Someone once told me, "Dress not like how you are today, buit who you wnat to be tomorrow".

#1 Gym Clothes

These should be worn when you are going to the gym or playing sports or being indoors. But I hate it when people wear gym clothes to coffee shops, shopping and brunches. Is it too much to ask to wear a normal dress. What bothers me is out of shape people wearing gym clothes and coming to a Doughnut Shop. How about going to the gym?

#2 Caps/Hats

I wear caps. I love wearing caps. But can we remove the caps when you are indoors please? The exception can be made if it is Halloween or you are a musician or have a ranch. But other than than when in a restaurant remove your hat. It is just nice. I love Justin Timberlake's music but hate that he single handily started the annoying trend of people wearing fedora.

#3 Skirts over jeans or other two clothing disasters.

If you are that indecisive about clothing maybe you need to see a shrink.

#4 Sandals with socks

What can I say about this. It is not a great combo. So you wear it because you are comfortable and you do not care about fashion. I am comfortable naked but you would never see be walking down the street naked...there are rules against that.

#4 Showing(off) your underwear

Guys and Girls, underwear (thongs included) would not be seen outside your pants. If you cannot fly, spin webs, have a cave then please tuck in those boxers. I do not need to know wear you bought your underwear. Anyone who tells me that "This is how we dress because of our race/color etc.", spare me....I did not see Martin Luther King dressed like that.

#5 Real Holes in your clothes

Time to go shopping. That is all. Holes in clothes are not fashionable. You look like a half plucked chicken. You know what grow up...please.

Clothes are your first impression. If you are not well dressed do not expect people to listen to you. Clothes on people are like packaging on products, the product is 90% important, but if the packaging is not good, then people will not see the product. That is life.

In the words of Mark Twain "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

Monday, January 7, 2008

Resolutions: The Paradox of Life Explained

So another year and immediately everyone makes resoultions about how they are going to better their life. A simple search lead me to this list of top 10 New Year resoutions:

1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
2. Fit in Fitness
3. Tame the Bulge
4. Quit Smoking
5. Enjoy Life More
6. Quit Drinking
7. Get Out of Debt
8. Learn Something New
9. Help Others
10. Get Organized

Now here is why this won't work for me:

If I follow #1 spend more time with family and friends that means resolution #3, #4 and #6 will be broken. Last year I triend to spend time with my friends without alcohol and that was the the 3 most misarable hours of my (and my friends too) life. We had absolutely nothing to talk about and in the end we all landed up in the bar. Being Indian, every family gathering revolves around food. So you may suggest that I do not eat. Well not eating in an Indian household is close to insulting and not possible.

#2 is doable for around 2-3 months. But with all the work and keeping resolution #1, I would be out of time to do #2, #8, #9 and #10.

#7 means I have to quit #1. That is beacause most of the time I achieve #1 by being a parties and if it is a house party you have to go with something. Also #7 is un American.

Therefore this year my resolution is simple and easy to follow

#1 NO MORE RESOLUTIONS