Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus...What?

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. But this little story from my friend in India made the most sense...read on

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

OK...this was not a true a story....

5 comments:

ZenDenizen said...

I still think it's funny that the author of Men are from Mars got divorced.

Unknown said...

Freakin' brilliant! While I typically don't find divorce very funny, I have to agree with zendenizen's observation.

The Mountain Cat said...

I think a lot of woman (not all women)need about 43 differnt emotions to be aligned to enjoy intimacy. Then again, who am I to ask?

The Mountain Cat

EC said...

Holy crap, that was great! You had me going right to the very end when you said the story was fake. I can tell you EVERY dude reading this post can relate.

Side note: I, and The Mountain Cat (the above commenter), just completed a link exchange with our blogs. I've read through your blog and I'm going to put a link to it on mine at radiofreeg.blogspot.com, and you can see it by scrolling down the right-hand column. If you could reciprocate that would be great.

Keep the funnies coming, and I will give you a plug and a link in the new audio show. Have a listen to Episode 29, and if you like, subscribe. Thanks!

P said...

ha ha ha..I'm glad my boyfriend isn't reading this :P