Texas style learnings

So last week I spent five full days in Texas (OK 1 day I was in Mexico...). Me being the so called "liberal" (when did being a liberal become a sin in America...?) in the land of so called "conservatives".

So what did I learn in 4 glorious days in Texas:

1. Y'all - Say it with a drawl while chewing tobacco and most towns will immediately throw a parade in your honor. You are know an official Texan.

2. Drugstore Cowboys - Men who dress up in cowboy gear but do not own or work on a farm. Apparently they just hang out in the strip malls or open parking lots.

3. Friday Nights - In a small town, you can go in and rob a bank. No one is going to catch you or stop you. Everyone is busy watching 17-18 year old beat each other up to a pulp. BTW they charged me $4 to get in but I got front row seats since I was with the former mayor.

4. Trash can - A dish where they load up a styrofoam plate with meats, more meats, onions, meat again, pickle and top it all off with much more meat. Then 2 slices of white bread is thrown on top. I was confused as to what to do with the white bread.

5. Sunday Morning - Y'all better get to the church or else....they where unclear on what happens when you do not go the church. But I still had to ask.

6. Dance Club - So they took me to Dance Hall. Being from New York, I wore my best black clothes, gelled my hair and tagged along. Was I out of place? I did not know the 2 step, I was the only person not wearing jeans and/or boots, I had a earring. But all drinks where only $4.

7. Pickup Truck - If you drive a an eco friendly car or a beetle, then just park the car on the side of the road and run. The pick up trucks will drive over you in a jiffy, especially if they are driven by women. You are better off walking. But when walking carry a stick for there are snakes everywhere.

8. Do not insult anyone with the last name Bush. Better still do not talk politics if you are from the blue states. (I did not know in US that states have colors)

9. Do not show your ACLU card as a form of identification. If so make sure your loved ones have your dental records for identification purpose when they are forced to visit you at the morgue.

10. And finally, learn Mexican. Saying simple words like hola, cómo sean usted and gracias will greatly improve the level of customer service at most establishments be it legal or illegal.