Friday, September 28, 2007

Roller Derby

A couple of weeks back, my friend Matt (who also happens to be a co-organizer in the meetup group and a wonderful person) suggested we go to watch Roller Derby. The incentive was that we can go later and drink with the girls from the Roller Derby. Now, how can I refuse this offer. Girl on girl fight, drinking with girls, maybe more girl on girl...

So of we went to Newark to watch the enthralling event called Roller Derby (The home team's name was Bridges and Pummel). As I pulled up, I noticed that parking lot was full and the most surprising aspect was there was a sizable porting on men/women with their young lings. (I am sure the Good Parenting magazine does not list Roller Derby as a way to bond with your family)

The event started with the usual post 9-11 festivities....raising the flag, sing the national anthem, couple of USA USA chant....but all without any celebrities.

So after 10 minutes, I managed to get Matt into the following conversation:

Uber: The roller derby is kind of lame.
Matt: What? I love it. I am so coming back to watch this on a regular basis.
Uber: Apparent we are watching different games. When does this end?
Matt: There is another 2 period each lasting 20 minutes.


Then I found out that there was also a men's team. They played their period between the girl's period. Later in the second period, I once again got into a conversation with Matt.

Uber: I have no idea what is going on. And Matt, are you coming to watch this regularly.
Matt: Not regularly, I may come back to watch them again.
Uber: Hmmm....
Matt: You realize they do not serve alcohol here.
Uber: Yes and that is what makes this thing drag on.

End of period 2

The final conversation went something like this:

Uber: You serious about coming back to this.
Matt: I do not think I will come back.
Uber: Wow, you views on Roller Derby have changed faster than Kerry view's on any issue.

PS:

a. Alcohol would have made the event tolerable.
b. Alcohol would have made my friends tolerable.
c. Alcohol would have made me tolerable.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Wrong Number Again !!!

This happened actually an hour ago. I am still in a state of shock. Should we start issuing licence before we give certain people access to cell phone, iPOD or other complex technology.

My work phone rings, I do not recognize the number. I hardly get non work related calls on this line, since I do not give this number out to anyone other than my sister and my parents.

Uber: Good Morning, this is Uber
Lady: I need to return a set of lingerie I got for my b'day. And I do not have a receipt

I became totally confused. When did we start selling lingerie, and why was I not informed?

Uber: I wish I can help you but I think you got the wrong number.
Lady: What, that b*tch gave me the wrong number. Are you sure you do not work for Macy's?
Uber: I am sure, but since you asked let me check with the office manager.
Lady: OK I will hold.

Know I am convinced either she is an idiot or she works for some radio station that is playing a prank call.

Uber: I checked and this is not Macy.
Lady: Sorry.

5 minutes go buy, the phone rings again and guess what the same Lady is again on the phone

Uber: Good Morning...
Lady: How did I get you again?
Uber: Maybe it is fate. You actually dialled my number.
Lady: Yes, but shouldn't it connect me to Macy. I dialled Macy the first time and got you and now when I hit redial, I get you again.

I am know convinced she is an idiot.

Uber: OK let me help you here. You dialed me the first time and we established this was not Macy. Then instead of dialling Macy's you just hit the redial. So you got me again. So now when you hang up do not hit redial, dial the right number and you will be connected to Macy. I am sure they will help you.
Lady: Gee thanks. I think my phone is broken and I will go and return that too.
Uber: I am sure that is the case. And you have a nice day.
Lady: You too and talk to you soon

I have since placed my phone of the hook.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Bookends to Bookends

I've been tagged by Zen Denizen aka MGS, and was ordered in the nicest way to complete this.

Book that changed your life - R.K.Narayanan's Malgudi Days. The stories are so simple, the characters are believe and writing was impeccable. And the bonus factor, his brother R.K.Laxman did some very good caricature work to bring the stories to live. This was the one of the first book I read, so it changed me in terms to this day I love reading more than anything else. (OK alcohol, food, sex, music comes first, but it is in my top 5)

Book you've read more than once - The Complete Sherlock Holmes Volumes I & II. I am still to this day enthralled with the spy/mystery genre. I read this first during the summer of 1986 and then again around 10 years later.

Book you'd take to a deserted island - I am actually not planning on going to a deserted island, but say I am forced to be at one then I would have to be the complete works of JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. At least this would keep me occupied for a long time. The pages I read could be used as fire starter and I can use the book as a weapon to defend myself.

Book(s) that made you laugh - This is a tough one. A lot of books have made me laugh. So I am going to skip this one

Book(s) you wish you had written - Not a book but art with a story Frank Miller's 300. The art was uber cool and over shadowed the powerful words and story. And truly inspirational. The words that will be always stuck to me are

Stelios: It is an honor to die at your side.
King Leonidas: It is an honor to have lived at yours.

Book you wish had never been written - 300...the fame and fortune. More importantly for the fame. Yes I am vain

Book you're currently reading - Paul Shirley and Chuck Klosterman's Can I Keep My Jersey?: 11 Teams, 5 Countries, and 4 Years in My Life as a Basketball Vagabond. I am actually shocked that a jock could write so elequontly, never mind he got Klosterman with him but still. But the bonus, the book borders on being hilarious.

Book you've been meaning to read - Rabindranath Tagore's Gitanjali. I have read his works here and there, but I always want to read the collection that got him the Nobel Prize.

Book you've been meaning to finish - Homer's (not Homer Simpson but the Greek dude) Odyssey. I have read maybe 25 pages and then stop. I revisit it once a year but end up reading the same pages since I have zero memory. I think this is the book I should take to a deserted island.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Dawn of a New Era

One of the best poems that I love and cherish is Robert Forst, "The Road Not Taken"

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
...
..."

I am not writing this to discuss the poem or try to understand what Mr.Forst meant.

The reason is that this week I decided to take a road, which I know is not so less travelled. The road called entrepreneurship.

"The road is not without

Speed bumps
Dangerous curves
Vicious animals
Bottomless ravines

Many have taken that road

Most have given up
At the first bum

Still more have been consumed
By the ravines and animals

Some have made it
Only to realize, it
Has cost them everything

The few who have made it
Have had the perseverance
To rise up after every fall
To rise up after every defeat
Because they want
To fight this for another day

The few who have made it
Did it not
For the wealth or accolade
But for the spirit
Succeeding and fulfilment

I want to be that few
I dream to be that few
I dared to dream"

Monday, September 10, 2007

Texas style learnings

So last week I spent five full days in Texas (OK 1 day I was in Mexico...). Me being the so called "liberal" (when did being a liberal become a sin in America...?) in the land of so called "conservatives".

So what did I learn in 4 glorious days in Texas:

1. Y'all - Say it with a drawl while chewing tobacco and most towns will immediately throw a parade in your honor. You are know an official Texan.

2. Drugstore Cowboys - Men who dress up in cowboy gear but do not own or work on a farm. Apparently they just hang out in the strip malls or open parking lots.

3. Friday Nights - In a small town, you can go in and rob a bank. No one is going to catch you or stop you. Everyone is busy watching 17-18 year old beat each other up to a pulp. BTW they charged me $4 to get in but I got front row seats since I was with the former mayor.

4. Trash can - A dish where they load up a styrofoam plate with meats, more meats, onions, meat again, pickle and top it all off with much more meat. Then 2 slices of white bread is thrown on top. I was confused as to what to do with the white bread.

5. Sunday Morning - Y'all better get to the church or else....they where unclear on what happens when you do not go the church. But I still had to ask.

6. Dance Club - So they took me to Dance Hall. Being from New York, I wore my best black clothes, gelled my hair and tagged along. Was I out of place? I did not know the 2 step, I was the only person not wearing jeans and/or boots, I had a earring. But all drinks where only $4.

7. Pickup Truck - If you drive a an eco friendly car or a beetle, then just park the car on the side of the road and run. The pick up trucks will drive over you in a jiffy, especially if they are driven by women. You are better off walking. But when walking carry a stick for there are snakes everywhere.

8. Do not insult anyone with the last name Bush. Better still do not talk politics if you are from the blue states. (I did not know in US that states have colors)

9. Do not show your ACLU card as a form of identification. If so make sure your loved ones have your dental records for identification purpose when they are forced to visit you at the morgue.

10. And finally, learn Mexican. Saying simple words like hola, cómo sean usted and gracias will greatly improve the level of customer service at most establishments be it legal or illegal.